Sometimes

Assalamualaikum.

Bestow some lights upon me, God.

Sometimes I wish I'm a different person. Sometimes I wish I live a different life. Sometimes I wish I could be far away. Sometimes I wish I don't have to play strong. Sometimes I wish I could walk without fear. Sometimes I wish I can wear a smile. Sometimes I wish I am not me at all. Sometimes I just hate being this girl. Sometimes I wish I could erase everything. Sometimes I wish I don't have to worry anything. Sometimes I wish I am capable. Sometimes I wish I could be better.

Throughout this life, for all these wishes I wished. I know that all I could ever wish for is, I could have been better. Even if I wish a thousand times of how I wanted things to change and be so different from what it is, it can never turn out the way I hoped. For things I felt incomplete was actually me that feels partly empty. Don't you feel like this life is so long, like  an un-ended journey? That pain caused me a lot of my dead feelings. You caused me a lot of pain, and I wonder why. 

Everyone has their times. The time of being unsatisfied with things around them. Everyone has their moment, and sad to say, this is mine. 

The most significant wish that I could ever want to wish for is, 

not to have the feeling of wishing all those wishes above. 

I'm a disgrace to myself, and once again like any other time, I let myself down again. 

p/s : I'm sorry, but I've tried. So hard that it kills me inside.

                                                                                    Delusions,

                                                                                                     Myra